The end of the world as I know it

I had an odd walk/bus ride home from Unity tonight. It’s cold and damp and a bit foggy.

As I was sitting at Berri, waiting for the night bus, I realised that whenever I go out, unless I go home with the boy I’m currently seeing or a random boy, I never leave with the friends I went out with to begin with. They either have or find their own boys or just disappear. I feel like I’m always left dancing away on my own. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, just an observation. It makes me think of the Franz Ferdinand song ‘Take Me Out’: ‘Come on, take me out. / I know I won’t be leaving here with you.’

The other odd part about coming home was the weather. As I walked on Marie-Anne past Clark, the streets were completely deserted–even St-Laurent was quiet. It was barely raining and the streets were all wet. The breeze blew a plastic bag across Marie-Anne. It had a very odd almost post-apocalyptic feeling to it. At least, that’s what immediately came to mind.

It is kind of post-apocalyptic for me right now. University is over. It still hasn’t sunken in and it probably won’t fully until September. It is truly the end of my world as I know it. And I feel okay, I guess. I’m nervous about moving away from Montreal and really hoping that Portland is the right choice. And that I’ll be able to find a job. And that I won’t be totally broke all the time. And that I’ll be able to pay back my student loans. And that I’ll be able to afford even to move myself down to Portland. Etc, etc, etc.

‘Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.’

(name the source of that quotation and win a prize: my undying appreciation of your poetic knowledge)

I’m sure this rambling is just some sort of odd anti-endorphin kick or something. Shouldn’t dancing have gotten me all happy and excited rather than ponderous? I’m not depressed, just thinking about a lot of stuff.

No use thinking about it now at ten past four in the morning. My bed calls. Besides, tomorrow is the first Sunday in a long time that I can sleep in and not have to worry about getting up to study or write papers or read. Hell, I could go buy the Sunday NY Times and sit in bed with it all day if I wanted to. Alternately, I could read the whole thing online, which would mean not even having to get out of my pj’s or leave the house. I like that idea better. I think it’s supposed to be shitty weather again tomorrow. Alas, Mother Nature seems to be on a shitty weather kick.


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